8 BODY MOISTURISERS TESTED
By Matt Glazebrook, 31 March 2018
As the seasons shift, and we finally begin to shed layers, it’s probably time to take a closer look at the skin that’s been hidden under fleece and flannel for the past four months. With that in mind, we tested eight different body moisturisers to see which would best get our previously-private bits ready for public consumption after a very harsh winter.
Now, it’s fair to say I’m not the most dedicated moisturiser applier. A sneaky squirt from the free hand cream by the office sinks (thanks ASOS!) after a particularly weather-beaten commute into work is about as sophisticated as my skincare gets. Still, what I lack in body lotion awareness, I make up for in a blank, winter-worn canvas for the most skin-softening substances the Face and Body section has to offer. Here’s how I got on.
Smell the glove
The minimalist, science-y packaging promises an experience ‘like a protective hydration glove for hands’. While I’m not exactly sure what that is (or where else a protective hydration glove might be for), I can confirm the product inside delivered serious softness. The gel-like potion rubbed in smoothly and evenly, leaving a slightly greasy skin-feel and a pleasant, baby lotion-esque scent. After an hour, my hands were still soft, slick and fragrant and, even a day later, they felt noticeably less dry and rough.
Jack your body
This functional-feeling moisturiser comes from a family-owned Texan brand and, we can only presume, is formulated to soothe skin after a hard day herding longhorns on the range. As an antidote to a hard day in ASOS HQ, it offered a slightly medicinal fragrance (no florals for these cowboys), a refreshing tingle going on, and easy absorption with no greasy residue. I didn’t feel massively moist afterwards, but it got the job done.
A sour, astringent scent that lingers – more like a medicinal ointment than the typical mild moisturiser fragrance – suggests this is serious stuff. It felt intense during application, an almost itchy prickle as it worked its way into my skin, and the after-effects were initially sticky rather than silky smooth. Probably not an everyday option, then, if all you’re after is a cure for dryness – but the impressive list of ailments it eases (from ingrown hairs to bumpy skin) means Ameliorate is a strong option if you’re after more hardcore relief.
Once I’d figured out how to warm and melt the solidified oil, this poshly-packaged product felt like a real morning routine game changer. A warm, beeswax-y fragrance smelled appealing without being overly perfumed, while applying the oil produced a lovely soothing sensation. After a few minutes of massaging this into shower-damp skin, my body seemed instantly, and luxuriously, softer – like I’d been for a relaxing afternoon at the spa, rather than a bleary-eyed morning rush around the bathroom.
Bulldog brings ethical credentials to the table – vegan-friendly ingredients and renewable, sugar cane-derived plastic packaging. Its scent continues the hippie vibe – a floral, almost patchouli fragrance that might be a little overwhelming if you spend a lot of time with your hands near your face. The lotion squirts out easily, and has a liquid consistency, but it rubs in well and quickly becomes non-greasy. A solid low-budget option.
The first thing to note here is the ace packaging and funky, retro graphics, along with a satisfyingly short and punchy ingredients list. The substance inside speaks a little less loudly – it’s waxy and requires a little effort to heat up and work in, and, once on, offers a low-key, warming softness. It’s also genuinely unscented, so good for anyone who wants to moisturise without feeling like they've moisturised.
I’m gonna be honest. I’ve never felt my feet needed extra moisture. If anything, they’re naturally a little clammy. My suspicion of this product was only enhanced by the elaborate process of – essentially – sealing myself from toe to ankle inside a wet plastic bag. All that said, when I did eventually release my feet from their gloopy packaging, the serum had more or less all absorbed and my skin felt noticeably silkier and less callused. Score.
The only moisturiser in this test you could conceivably use to cook your dinner, you can also apparently work this coconut oil into your hair as a conditioner, shave with it, use it as a make-up remover and as after-sun. Spoilt for choice, I ended up just rubbing it into my torso after a shower, and found it pleasantly fragrant and easy to absorb.